Four years later

When I was a kid I knew that I wanted to get married and have kids.  I didn’t know what that really looked like or how to make it happen, I just knew I wanted it to happen.  As I grew older I began to define what that ultimate relationship looked like and began to define how to make it happen.  There was a bit of trial and error involved through the years, but through all the ups and downs I learned something from each one that further defined what I wanted in a marriage.

There were a few times I gave up looking entirely.  I knew it would happen eventually, but my ideal had grown more and more specific, and I grew tired of not finding what I was looking for.  It kind of sucks knowing what you want sometimes.  It definitely makes you think twice about settling for less.

I can still remember meeting Gigi.  We were introduced and I remember thinking, “She’s cute.” and then getting back to work.  The next day I invited her to lunch and we had a great time talking and getting to know each other.  It just so happened that there was a Laker game on that night so after a long workday we went down to the local brewery and watched the game and got to know each other a bit more.  I had a feeling there was something there and the more I got to know her, the more I found that picture of what I wanted being filled in day after day. 

Today is our 4-year wedding anniversary.  The picture I had in my mind before we met has expanded from an 8x10 on my nightstand, to a mural on the side of a building.  Every day with this woman is amazing.  And the kid we made together… forget about it.  I couldn’t be more blessed by these two.  We have our ups and downs like every relationship does, but the downs are so far above 'down' it’s ridiculous.  Never does a day go by that I am not thankful that God put her in my life.  I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us and look forward to every second of discovering what that looks like.

Happy Anniversary, Gigi!!!  I love you more than anything!!!

for a little while, i get to be "it"!

a few days ago, peyton went down for late afternoon nap, and in an effort to not wake her from her unusually light, stuffy-nosed induced sleep, i locked myself in my bedroom across the house and just started cleaning--quietly--with no access to the kitchen to do noisy dishes, no access to the front door to take out the trash, no access to the family room to accidentally drop her annoying learning toys. just stuck in my our room--cleaning.

ugh, josh gets so mad when i say "my". he's all, "babe, OUR wedding. OUR baby. OUR room. " FINE, i fold. i'll go ahead and assume this applies to all things of mine. OUR laundry, OUR vacuuming, OUR tv remote and OUR blow-drying of hair and doing makeup!? solid. :)

anyway, there i am, cleaning, by myself, in one room of the house, with no distraction from any other clutter infested part of OUR house. can you say PURE JOY? i can :)  so, what a perfect time to call my mom and chit-chat?!  after we talk shop (aka peyton's eating and sleeping stats), we sidetrack and i find myself sharing with her all that i envision peyton and i doing together as she continues to grow up. peyton. not my mom. well, my mom, too, i guess.

the things i want for peyton and i are the same things i remember of my mom and i. there was so much peace and security in JUST BEING with my mom as a kid.  i had so much fun playing with her when my older brother and sister were in school and it was just the two of us.  i'd sit in the car listening as she sang along to michael bolton and gloria estevan, driving across town to run errands.  we'd hit up party city and the toy store, the grocery store, the oil change place.  we'd stop for lunch and share arby's roast beef sandwiches, then continue to jcpenney for some new clothes.  i'd wait patiently swaying my little legs back and forth under the chair as i waited for what seemed like hours as she got a teeth cleaning in. and i don't remember minding one second of it.  because what was i going to do without her?  mom was my life.  my answer to everything.  my problem solver, my security blanket. my question answerer, my make-it-all-better-gal, my jukebox, entertainer, and resting place. if it weren't for the fast that i was 4, it would have been considered dependant to an unhealthy point on the emotional scale.  but, it wasn't.  it was amazing. life was good.  hanging with mom was all i knew and what made me happiest.  my brother and sister tell me how much i was glued to mom as a kid (as if it was a bad thing) and my dad tells me no one other than family could pick me up or i'd freak.  it's okay.  i don't regret it.  i'm thankful for that time with my mom.  and now, i get to pass that on. 

"where mommy go?", peyton says to the air when i've momentarily disappeared to the other room.  "mommy's in your room putting dirty clothes away, babe."  clack, clack, clack, go her footsteps as i hear her approach.  "mommeeeee!" she squeals, with a smile. "mommy hode-jew, mommy hug-yeww." and after a big fall and some alligator tears, "mommmmmmm, uh, uh, uh, eeeeeeeee, uh, uh, uh." :(

and when we're walking side by side, and out of nowhere she throws her little hand in the air FULLY EXPECTING that mommy will be there to grab it.  she knows i'm there. and she finds security in that. 

it feels good.  it feels REALLY good. and i'm not taking one bit of this for granted.

oh my...

don't even get me started on how sad i am that i've just let this blog go :(  thankful it doesn't show in the way of pants that don't fit or the inability to walk up a hill without huffing and puffing the way "letting yourself go" shows, but it's still not easy to start writing again. 

our last post was at the beginning of summer--peyton doesn't even look like that baby in the pictures anymore!  so much has happened, and i want to share ALL of it.  and i will, in time, share the details of how God has blessed our family these past few months, but for now--the short version.

peyton is 18 months old, today!  she's walking, running, climbing, talking, signing, talking  listening, talking, singing, talking, whistling, and talking.  SHE IS SO FUN!! josh has a (fairly) new job at Broadcom as a sr. buyer in their procurement department, and thoroughly enjoying it!  june is learning what it's like to be treated like a well-cared-for dog instead of a decently-cared-for child--poor thing. and me?  i'm busy being josh's wife, peyton's mommy, junie's walker and petter, and this home's dust picker upper.  oh, and that job thing? well, i was able to step aside from that for a little (undetermined) while. 

we are joyful, healthy, growing, inspired, loved and faithful during this season of our lives.  and i plan to do a better job of sharing our family stories, struggles, and excitement--so bare with me as i work to gear this sucker back up!!

hopeful,
gigi

theWEEKDAY

when sunday night comes around these days, it's as if things don't stop until friday afternoon. josh and i are enjoying this season of our lives with a "new baby", (although it seems as if peyton's been around and part of our lives forever, which we just love!) but it IS different than life pre-baby. as an example, here's a typical...tuesday...

5am - gigi up to pump and get dressed
530am - gigi to the park for an early workout--it's bootcamp this month, brought to me by groupon!
645am - gigi home and in the shower
7am - josh is up and at 'em
715am - peyton's up. time to feed and play!
8am - gigi off to work, josh and p off to nana's
WORK ALL DAY AS IF FAMILY JUST DON'T EXIST :-(
5pm - josh to nana's to pick up the munchkin
530pm - gigi head's home
545pm - finally, family at last :-)
6pm - walk at the park with the munchkin and the bug
630pm - josh and gigi cook and trade off playing 1-on-1 with peyt
7pm - nom nom nom for all of us
715pm - peyt takes a 20 min snoozer while we pick up around the house and do the dishes
745pm - josh and gigi are done with the dishes, so we clean our kid in the sink, next
800pm - trade off playing with p again while we pack lunches and bottles for tomorrow

815pm - josh to the trails for an evening run
830pm - peyt's bedtime...a few books and songs, lots of kisses, and one sleepy baby

845pm - josh home from his run and back in the shower
9pm - oh, hi, husband. hi, wife. couch/snuggle date? sure, why not.
10pm - final pump sesh...for geeg, not josh...of course...
1015pm - gigi spends 10 min. getting frustrated picking clothes
1030pm - roll into bed...exhausted

and again, and again, and again, until saturday. i know this isn't unusual for parents that work full time, and we're totally good to go with all this, but i can't begin to express how much we cherish the few hours we have with peyton...

and those few precious moments spent with P around the house often look something like this...

mommy and peyton after a walk at the park

daddy snuggling with peyt on the couch

vacationing with good friends - las vegas, nv

the past four days have been pure bliss. josh, peyt, and i hit the road midday wednesday and headed vegas (because i have no clue if that's north, east, north-north east, east-north-north. whatever. it's just toward vegas.) but the best part of our trip? we didn't even go NEAR that dirty strip. we hooked a left at vegas and went toward the toll brothers community "red rock" where luxury homes lined paved streets and families did their family thing. suburbia. BLISS.

our good friends, jana and brian, were there as a perk of brian's job (every toll brother's employee gets to stay in one of their houses across the country once a year). we were so excited when they asked us if we'd join them, along with our other good friends, kym and andrew. this was our first "families vacationing together" trip, and i look forward to MANY more. we did not leave the house the entire 4 days. everything was there that we needed! our friends, the pool, food, drinks, a pool table, the tv, toys for the kids, lots of bedrooms, twice as many bathrooms. the house was beautiful (i have yet to see a toll brothers home that doesn't cause your jaw to drop) and the harrelsons did a fantastic job hosting us, even though we kept trying to get them to relax. oh, how was the weather, you ask!? ABSOLUTELY FLAWLESS! i can't believe it ever went over 95 or under 75. the kids weren't too hot, but it was never too cold to take a dip in the warm pool or even the hot tub. here are a few pics of the shinanigans. enjoy!!

father's day 2011

father's day this year began with peyton and i giving daddy our cards. what a sweet morning it was. (if you look closely you can see her surprise "i love daddy" outfit. the bigger surprise was the subsequent blowout that was the cause for an outfit change...DURING CHURCH. yeah.)



then we went to church where we enjoyed pastor jp's talk about what it means to be a godly father. after church we headed over to josh's parents' house where we celebrated....

...DADDY!!

...GRANDPA JORGE!

...GRANDPA DON!

...and UNCLE MARK!

it was a great day, as is any day spent with family! HAPPY FIRST FATHER'S DAY TO MY JOSH!!

i'm going to be a HCTTFOHTBMOLWMNLWPIOWNSMFBGDAOHWH

for two and a half months, i've had the most wonderful pleasure of caring for my baby girl. i've had the opportunity to experience life as a SAHM. for those of you that don't follow mommy blogs and websites, that stands for Stay At Home Mommy. this new language is taking time to learn, but i'll get there, i'm sure.

i go back to work in two weeks. i go from being a SAHM to being a Head-Case Trying To Figure Out How To Balance My Old Life With My New Life While Pretending I'm Okay With Not Seeing My Favorite Baby Girl During All Of Her Waking Hours. or, as a blogger may put it, a HCTTFOHTBMOLWMNLWPIOWNSMFBGDAOHWH.

no, i'm not struggling with this one bit. why do you ask?

i will say, however, i am VERY fortunate to be going back to a job that i love, a boss that appreciates me, coworkers that make the day a joy, projects that intrigue and challenge me, and clients that...well, let's just say "keep things interesting".... many moms are not so fortunate when faced with the dreadful moment of returning to the work place. with all that great stuff, though, my only question is "why can't peyton come with me?!" she'd be great! i'd put her to work--answering phones, some light filing... maybe making a schedule or a budget for me when i'm in a bind. i think people would appreciate her presence in my meetings. i mean, the coo-ing and the "talking" is getting SO CUTE. i could watch her grow up and teach her plenty of things. she could nap under my desk. heck, i do--why should i not share the space?! i could make sure she goes outside a few times a day, let her scoot around the halls of the office... but mostly, i'd be able to be her main influence, and she'd have no doubt who her mommy is.

because that's what scares me most. what if little P forgets me? if i leave when she wakes up, and get home when she goes to sleep, all i become is the occasional nighttime feeder, and that awful lady that's always changing her clothes when she's half asleep in the morning or mostly asleep at night. everyday for the past 11 weeks i've gotten to stare into this little girls eyes whenever i want and whisper to her how much mommy loves her, and how great mommy thinks she is. and she stares back with a look that says, "yay!" and a little cracked smile. gosh, i love her.

but, i have to go back to work. we knew that before we began the journey that resulted in a wonderful little miracle we call peyton. so, i will. however, there are terms:

- nana and i will both be installing webcams so i can talk to my baby from work every now and then.

- nana has promised that she and peyt will visit me at work for lunch occasionally.

- i am reserving the right to wake my sleeping child at the most unfair times so i can remind her who loves her

- peyton and josh are my first priority, no matter what, so work just better darn fit into that.

- i'm will not work on the weekends. sorry, clients--weekends are for my family.

- i WILL be taking vacations this year. YAY!

- i am reserving the right to add to my terms list whenever i please.

okay, i'm off to publish these so someone else besides me believes they are valid...

i'll be blogging more about the "great going-back-to-work dilemma". more to follow at 11.

thursday night dinners

my mom loves all three of her kids, but any chance she gets to see her big-hearted son, she'll take. so much so, that for the last couple of years, she's offered to cook for rolland every thursday night just so he'll come over to flash those pearly whites her way, stuff his belly, rattle off some facts about his latest dj gig, deny that the last girl she saw him hanging out with was his girlfriend, share his itinerary for his next spontaneous trip across the country, and then leave with that sweet "thanks for dinner, mom--mmmmuahhh--love you--bye" salute a few hours later. she digs it.

well, recently, my older sister, kat, and i decided that thursday night dinner should not be exclusive to rolly. it's just not fair--mom's cooking is THAT good and should be shared. after crashing the party over and over, we now refer to this ritual as "thursday night dinners".

mom was out of town last week visiting her family in puerto rico, so, i decided i would host. rolly was out of town, too, so the taskdidn't seem overly daunting as it wasn't going to be a full house. i'm not great cook, but josh fired up the grill and we served a fairly satisfying meal. we topped it off with root-beer floats, OF COURSE, because what is a meal after 6pm without a root beer float to follow? (hint: something along the lines of "not a meal".)

it's been decided by the council (family) that we will now rotate family dinner nights around the different houses. because how else will we get my brother to swing by?!

kat played with peyton...

i drank some wine...

josh barbecued outside...

dad did a little jiggy... (???)

peyton eventually fell asleep...

and for some reason, everyone thought it was worthy of staring...

here's to more thursday night dinners!

a summer weekend

josh, peyton, june, and i spent saturday afternoon roaming the peninsula at balboa. i just treasure the time the four of us get to spend together.

on sunday, we went swimming at my sister's pool, and again, got to enjoy the amazing weather! we are really loving all these summer activities.

mommy and daddy love

these sweet moments with baby are worth every sleepless night...

welcoming peyton reese johnson!

on april fourth, two thousand eleven, josh and i were blessed with our precious little miracle, peyton reese.

the day was nothing less than thrilling. it was long, and yes, parts of it were painful and uncomfortable, but i wouldn't trade any of it, as we got to meet our beautiful baby girl when all was said and done.

this was our day, in bulletpoints.
* admitted to the hospital for an induction early in the morning
* managed about 2 hours of contractions without an epidural, then "gave in"... (best decision of my life, btw...)
* had about a thousand and seven visitors (which we LOVED, although entertaining was not easy for me, but everyone seemed to entertain each other quite well!!)
* ate ice for breakfast, lunch, and dinner
* the nurses must've liked me because they snuck me a blue popsicle. HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY :-)
* watched josh tweet every hour
* made "progress", then didn't make "progress", then made LOTS of "progress" and all of the sudden it was TIME TO PUSH!
* pushed for about an hour
* drove our anxious family and friends nuts as they waited outside for the "big news"
* at 9:50pm, josh grinned and said "IT'S A GIRL!!!" (which we totally weren't expecting...but what an amazing surprise, and just about the greatest thing everrrr!)
* at 9:51pm, fell in love like never before... my heart just hurt.

peyton reese, at 7 pounds, 13 ounces, and 20 and a half inches, was immediately cared for by the NICU team as she was born with meconium in her lungs. as they worked to stimulate her and suction her lungs, we waited a very long, and very quiet 20 minutes before getting to meet her, hold her, and be assured she was okay. it was tough, but josh and the doctors were all handling things so well and so calmly that i had no choice but to stay calm and trust that everything would be alright. and our strong little girl was a total trooper and made it through okay. thank the Lord!

I WANT SO BADLY TO SHARE THE FEELINGS I FELT ON THAT DAY, BUT I CAN'T PUT THEM INTO WORDS. of course, seeing our baby girl for the very first time was the most amazing experience ever, but it was also SO MUCH MORE than that. i want nothing bad to happen to her, ever. i don't even like hearing her cry, struggle or fuss, not even for a minute. i want her to be more than happy and joyful every second of every day. and i want her to know how much she is loved by her parents, and by all the wonderful people in our lives. i am beginning to understand the love of a parent, and it truly is indescribable and like no other love...

josh and i are thrilled to have baby girl peyton in our lives. forgive us if we can't express our love for her in our blog. but know that we are spending every minute showing our love to our baby girl. and we hope our friends and family get tons of opportunities to love her, too!

our first family photos

when peyton was 6 days old, we spent the day with josh's family and had his sister, jacqui, snap a few shots of the three of us. we are so thrilled to be a family of three.

let me tell you... this little girl is our world...

Riiing!!! Riiing!!!

My phone rings the other day and this is the conversation that takes place...

-------

Josh: Hey dad!

Dad: Hi Son.

Josh: How are you?

Dad: Good, thanks. You?

Josh: I'm good. What's up?

Dad: Hey, let's go ahead and clear the air here. You know I love you, right?

Josh: Yes, of course...

Dad: And Gigi knows I love her, right?

Josh: Yes... (Where is this going???)

Dad: Alright, now that we are clear on that, you should know that I'm not calling for you anymore. How's my GRANDDAUGHTER!?!?! Hahahaha

--------

Gotta love my dad!!! Seriously... it says so in the Bible.

What A Glorious Day!

All I can say is WOW! Words cannot express the joy a baby brings. After a long 15 hour day in the hospital little Peyton Reese Johnson was born. At 7 lbs. 13 oz. and 20.5 inches long, she had all the doctors, and especially Mom and Dad, saying, "She's BEAUTIFUL!!" Announcing her to a group of people waiting not-so-patiently in the hall, was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I am so glad we were able to share the day with so many wonderful friends and family. Thank you to everyone who was here in the hospital, sharing their encouragement on Facebook and Twitter, and sending up prayers on our behalf. We wouldn't have wanted the day to go any other way.

And now for the part everyone wants to see. Let me introduce you all to Peyton Reese Johnson!

rounding third...!

i absolutely cannot BELIEVE that we are just a mere 3 weeks away from welcoming baby j into the world. we are excited, to say the least, but still have lots to do before baby comes! keeps it interesting, in my opinion.

i have felt surprisingly good this last trimester. i know the next 3 weeks really have the ability to change my mind about how well these last few months have gone, but i really feel like i can handle another 3 or 4 weeks of this thing called pregnancy (which is good, because from what i hear, first time moms usually deliver up to a week late)! although not as active as i'd like to be, josh, june and i still manage to squeeze in a 30 minute walk 4 or 5 times a week, and i'm not scared of stairs or long walks through parking lots and malls. i see joggers taking advantage of this great weather lately, and it makes me miss working out, but i'll have no excuses to not want to work out after baby comes, since it's been so long since i've had a good, sweaty workout!

sleeping is a bit harder these days--the bathroom calls my name a few times per night, and my mind races with predictions of what life-after-baby will be like. i DO miss sleeping on my back and stomach, but i've never been more thankful to have a tempurpedic bed than i've been these last few months. that bed makes sleeping feel like a 7 hour trip to the clouds and back. (have i mentioned i'd recommend this bed to ANYONE? that's right, even YOU. no, i'm not getting paid--i just really believe that bed is the best one ever made... i'll probably send this post to tempurpedic soon, though, just to see if i can get a little dough of out it...... hey, anything helps, right?)

i'm still not a huge fan of this pregnancy thing--i'd prefer to be more mobile, active, and fit in my normal clothes, but i must say, feeling baby j all day long is pretty dang incredible. this little one has a mind of it's own. between the punches, kicks, hiccups, rolls, turns, stretches, and nap times, i already feel like i'm getting to know the munchkin's habits and schedule. and it's sweeeeet. i am beyond excited to meet baby soon--to see if we've got a little boy or a little girl joining our family, to see who he/she looks like, to wrap my hands around it's little body, and to cuddle with the bundle of joy for hours on end. i'm already falling in love with him/her, but am greatly anticipating getting to know every little thing about this baby. not to mention, i think seeing baby j with his/her dad is going to be incredible. josh is already so great with babies and kids, but when he gets to hold, love, and cuddle his own, i'll just get to watch and relish in the beauty of it all.

overall, this third trimester has brought incredible experiences with it. i'm ready for it to come to a close, mostly so we can begin life together as a family, with everyone OUTSIDE the womb... (my womb, to be exact.........)

thanks for following the quirky little stories of my pregnancy. hopefully the next pregnancy post will be about being done with it, and welcoming baby j into our lives.

belly: revealed (big time!)

a lovely friend of mine, the talented mr. kevin kach, graciously spent his saturday morning snapping away at my belly, my baby's-daddy, and me. 7 1/2 months of baking a kiddo, and this is what we have to show for it!

i absolutely ADORE every single one of these photos. they were taken at a trail and stream behind our house that josh, june and i walk all the time. i cannot wait for baby j to join us on these walks in just a couple months...!

kevin, you rock, buddy.

thanks a million, from the bottom of my heart...

now we've just got that one, classic photo left to take. shhhhh!

oh, and i mustn't forget to thank kevin's lovely assistant, and one of my all-time besties, "auntie dani". LOVED that you were able to join us and help kev, and i think these pics are of us are priceless!!