for two and a half months, i've had the most wonderful pleasure of caring for my baby girl. i've had the opportunity to experience life as a SAHM. for those of you that don't follow mommy blogs and websites, that stands for Stay At Home Mommy. this new language is taking time to learn, but i'll get there, i'm sure.

i go back to work in two weeks. i go from being a SAHM to being a Head-Case Trying To Figure Out How To Balance My Old Life With My New Life While Pretending I'm Okay With Not Seeing My Favorite Baby Girl During All Of Her Waking Hours. or, as a blogger may put it, a HCTTFOHTBMOLWMNLWPIOWNSMFBGDAOHWH.

no, i'm not struggling with this one bit. why do you ask?

i will say, however, i am VERY fortunate to be going back to a job that i love, a boss that appreciates me, coworkers that make the day a joy, projects that intrigue and challenge me, and clients that...well, let's just say "keep things interesting".... many moms are not so fortunate when faced with the dreadful moment of returning to the work place. with all that great stuff, though, my only question is "why can't peyton come with me?!" she'd be great! i'd put her to work--answering phones, some light filing... maybe making a schedule or a budget for me when i'm in a bind. i think people would appreciate her presence in my meetings. i mean, the coo-ing and the "talking" is getting SO CUTE. i could watch her grow up and teach her plenty of things. she could nap under my desk. heck, i do--why should i not share the space?! i could make sure she goes outside a few times a day, let her scoot around the halls of the office... but mostly, i'd be able to be her main influence, and she'd have no doubt who her mommy is.

because that's what scares me most. what if little P forgets me? if i leave when she wakes up, and get home when she goes to sleep, all i become is the occasional nighttime feeder, and that awful lady that's always changing her clothes when she's half asleep in the morning or mostly asleep at night. everyday for the past 11 weeks i've gotten to stare into this little girls eyes whenever i want and whisper to her how much mommy loves her, and how great mommy thinks she is. and she stares back with a look that says, "yay!" and a little cracked smile. gosh, i love her.

but, i have to go back to work. we knew that before we began the journey that resulted in a wonderful little miracle we call peyton. so, i will. however, there are terms:
- nana and i will both be installing webcams so i can talk to my baby from work every now and then.
- nana has promised that she and peyt will visit me at work for lunch occasionally.
- i am reserving the right to wake my sleeping child at the most unfair times so i can remind her who loves her
- peyton and josh are my first priority, no matter what, so work just better darn fit into that.
- i'm will not work on the weekends. sorry, clients--weekends are for my family.
- i WILL be taking vacations this year. YAY!
- i am reserving the right to add to my terms list whenever i please.

okay, i'm off to publish these so someone else besides me believes they are valid...

i'll be blogging more about the "great going-back-to-work dilemma". more to follow at 11.

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