a mental breakdown or two, just in time for baby...

my, oh my... have we been on a little roller coaster or what?

i don't know if it's the ticking time bomb in my belly, the time of the year that brings with it all the leftover holidays, or the many changes looming ahead, but i must say josh and i are more thankful than ever to be tag-teaming life these days. this past week brought a culmination of events that, while individually assessed, seem like pancakes, but when taken together and under consideration of "ahhhhhhhhhhhh! there's a baby on the way, too??!! are you kidding me?!?!?!", we were knocked off our feet nice and hard. go ahead, take a moment to picture josh and i with our hands in the air running circles around the living room, heads bouncing back and forth between our arms like macaulley caulkin in home alone (1, 2, OR 3)... yup, fun stuff.

this may come as a shock to you, but i enjoy feeling like i have a certain sense of control in my life. whoa, i know, right?

i manage projects for a living. schedule, budget, process--all these those things are important to me, and somewhat define what it means to feel like i have things "under control". therefore, when i'm presented with unexpected budget busts (i.e. potentially having to spend thousands of dollars on a plumbing disaster...), unexpected schedule adjustments (i.e. not REALLY knowing when baby j will arrive...early? late? on time?), or an out-of-whack process (i.e. where do we put all this new stuff that we have absolutely no space for?!), i often begin to--what do you call it--stress out. i don't mean to, and i KNOW it's not good for baby j, but sometimes i can't help it. that being said, i had a fantastically cliche pregnant-woman-breakdown driving to a client's office last thursday, in which i was forced to speed-dial the husband, as i knew he was one of the few that could really understand what i was going through. amidst my tears and frustrations, he was able to calm me down enough so i could show up to my meeting free of blood shot eyes. (thanks, again, honey...)

josh, although not as uptight detail oriented as me, still likes to have a handle on those everyday life things. (thankfully so, too, because if not, i don't think we'd be married.) but, in knowing how stressed out i've been with work, he's taken the reigns on everything house-related...including managing the 4 different repairmen that continue to show up for our bathroom, the crazy HOA office that is entirely unresponsive, the uverse installation guy who had to reinstall his original installation, the remodeler that's throwing new ceiling lights in for us, and the folks coming to pick up craigslist items as we try to make room for baby. on top of that, he works during the day, has school at night, and tries to stay sane with the occassional visit to the rockcliming gym. oh, and his love for cuddling takes up some of his free time, as well, especially since our cuddle time lately includes a love-kick from our little one... so when he hit a wall on an unusually tough assignment sunday night and was up until 3:30am, he was not a happy camper the next day. but josh came to me that night looking for a little pep-talk from me (probably in return for his on thursday), and although there wasn't much i could do to physically (or educationally) help, i was able to just be there for him, tell him i loved him, and encourage him a little bit.

thankfully some of the stressors have subsided as this week has progressed, but there's no denying that an overwhelming sense of "can this nonsense be over yet and can we just have our baby now???" has made itself known. OF COURSE baby j will make our lives more busy, our daily activities more challenging, and our ability to jump back on our feet a little more difficult, but he/she will also bring incredible joy, excitement, and fulfillment to our lives, and for that, we cannot wait! the recent curve balls thrown our way are wonderfully frustrating examples of God's little life lessons, but they are helping us prepare for the insanity we will soon experience. so with that said, we'll continue to take 'em, one by one, and do our best to knock 'em out of the park.

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