when your mind's made up

tuesday blew like a drunk guy workin' a breathalizer. no, really, all kidding aside, i had the most horrible day i've had in a long time. the worst part was that i had no idea why my day was so difficult. it just was.

first off, i must clarify--nothing is "wrong", things aren't "bad", and my life isn't "rough". i simply woke up, showered, and began to get ready. i got in a small fight with my closet and the few exciting peices it offers, but that's not new. all of the sudden, i felt odd... different... uncomfortable... i felt like my little world was slowly turning upside down, and i was entirely not surprised when it didn't re-adjust itself until later that evening. i instantly had a disappointing perspective on everything--i didn't like what i saw in the mirror, i didn't enjoy running through my day's to-do list in my head, and i could barely appreciate the few morning exchanges my husband and i shared before work. i just wasn't having it.

i made my way into the office and felt on the verge of tears all day. every little thing i'd normally brush off was given enough credit in my mind to takeover my thoughts. ugh. what an awful feeling. ultimately, i made a decision to bail out of work a couple hours early. i had permission, of course--there was no way i was going to add my bad day by playing an unadvised day of hookie. i drove home, plopped on the couch, and submitted myself to 2 hours of predictable chick-flickness. thankfully, my dose of "confessions of a shopaholic" was just the right medicine. well, actually, i owe getting out of my slump to the desperate prayers and a self-given motivational pep-talk, but you get the jist. the movie helped. i was finally able to detach from whatever had unnerved me and essentially hit the restart button on my day. i jumped on the good-attitude train for the rest of the evening, and have felt fine ever since. :-) high fives to that!

i'm not sharing the details of my crappy day just for the mere purpose of sharing. it was quite the impactful day, seeing as how it's thursday and i'm still thinking about it. there must be a lesson in this somewhere...

since tuesday, i've found myself thinking that i hadn't had a bad day like that for a while, so it was bound to come. everyone deserves to have a bad attitude at their discretion, right??? ehhh, not so much. as i mentioned, nothing is wrong, life is good, and i'm a happy camper. i believe that each and every morning God gives me a little window of time in which i get to make a decision. i don't think the decision is between "having a good day" and "having a bad day" so much as it is between "working to have a good day" and "not working to have a good day". i'm lucky that good days often come my way, but on the occassional day in which i am blatently presented with that choice, i'm going to force myself to take an extra moment, say an extra prayer, and work a little harder to stretch a smile across my face. that morning's decision may be tested throughout the day, and i'll probably find myself working hard to fight off the little grey clouds that so badly want to cling themselves on to my smallest worry, but i must make it a priority to not allow a bad attitude to win me over. it's draining and tiring, and i definitely don't want it happening when i have no stinkin' reason for it.

bad days will come, but their reasons will come with them. and on those days i'll find the loving arms of my friends, my family, and my God to comfort me.

i will.

one of my goals for 2010 is to start setting goals.

one of my more relevant goals for 2010 is to become less restless. allow me to explain.

in this day and age, it is SO incredibly easy to yearn for "the next big thing", to always want what's on the other side of the fence, and to keep up, if not surpass, the "jones'". you grow up wanting to get to high school, then get to college, then get to the real world. you finally get there and you want to find a great job, buy a house, meet the man/woman of your dreams, get married, have kids, get a bigger house, get a more glorified job, have more kids, etc.etc.

i look at my own life and realize that in every step of the way, i have always want to be a step ahead of myself. this, my friends, is most likely the reason for why you may consider me "prematurely old". sad, huh? now, don't get me wrong, it's important to dream, wish, and work for all these great things to happen, but what happens when your entire focus becomes wanting what you don't currently have?? well, i believe you end up losing sight of the moment in which you stand.

i want to learn, so badly, how to just savor the moment while i'm in it. imagine the excitement!

so, this year i will do the following:
- i will cherish the tens of thousands of laughs i share with the love of my life
- i will utterly enjoy every minute of marriage...without kids
- i will love the moments i get to spend with my June Bug while she's still got the energy of a puppy
- i will appreciate the heck out of the fact that my bro, sis, mom, dad, and in laws all live within 30 minutes of me. that's equal to one episode of "friends"

- i will tell my friends how much i love them
- i will enjoy my little 1100 square foot condo and my tiny balcony
- i will work my butt off to tackle the daily learning curve i'm presented with in my career
- i will learn and retain as many music facts as my husband can tell me
- i will laugh aloud at the smart-ass jokes i quietly tell myself
- i will find a way to enjoy the countless hours spent in my car
- i will enjoy the daily grind as if its a vacation from the norm
- i will stop in my footsteps every so often and just...be
- i will not always be yearning for the next great moment, but instead make each moment great
- i will be...less restless and more at peace

i'm thankful for this life full of wonderful blessings, and i won't let it to go by too fast. you just never know...

the ultimate

my husband has a *PASSION* and a *DEEP LOVE* for climbing.

his face literally *LIGHTS UP* when he begins to talk about it.

a new route is the most *EXCITING* puzzle he could ever be faced with.

his thought process becomes entirely *LOGICAL*.

his ultimate goal is to *SUCCEED*.

his eyes scream *DETERMINATION* as they survey the routes.

he becomes *FOCUSED*, and nothing can get in his way.

he *DANCES* his way to the top, seemingly light as a feather.

and i simply *RELISH* in getting to watch him do what he loves.