a fresh papercut :-/

i have a friend--correction: HAD a friend--who at one point was VERY close. we shared our hearts, our dreams, our similarities, and our differences, heck, we even shared our wedding days with each other...

then something happened. and my reaction to that something wasn't--well, it wasn't "right" according to her. and looking back, i admit, it probably didn't qualify as the world's best reaction a friend could have. but in her mind, i'd wronged her--BIG TIME. and now? well, now, we're no longer friends.

after a truly heartfelt apology , based on what i realized she perceived as wrong on my part, we have yet to rebuild our relationship. it breaks my heart over and over.

this was a while ago. you'd think i'd be "over it" by now. but i'm not. not even close :-( and honestly, i won't be surprised if this one hangs around with me for a lifetime.

the loss of a freindship is one of the hardest, most impactful losses one can face, in my opinion. it's almost like a break-up, where you just hit rewind in your memory bank over and over, trying to figure out what went wrong; trying to figure out what you could have done differently. and everytime the memory bank's rerun comes to an end, it stings like a fresh papercut all over again.

i don't wish to be a lousy friend--not to anyone. i've specifically asked close friends of mine to tell me what i can do to be a better friend to them. and i'll continue to ask... because friends don't just come knocking on your door--they take work, and they're not worth losing over a misunderstanding. and losing a good friend can leave an everlasting hole in your hearth. not fun. not fun at all.

just sayin...