i'm going to be a HCTTFOHTBMOLWMNLWPIOWNSMFBGDAOHWH

for two and a half months, i've had the most wonderful pleasure of caring for my baby girl. i've had the opportunity to experience life as a SAHM. for those of you that don't follow mommy blogs and websites, that stands for Stay At Home Mommy. this new language is taking time to learn, but i'll get there, i'm sure.

i go back to work in two weeks. i go from being a SAHM to being a Head-Case Trying To Figure Out How To Balance My Old Life With My New Life While Pretending I'm Okay With Not Seeing My Favorite Baby Girl During All Of Her Waking Hours. or, as a blogger may put it, a HCTTFOHTBMOLWMNLWPIOWNSMFBGDAOHWH.

no, i'm not struggling with this one bit. why do you ask?

i will say, however, i am VERY fortunate to be going back to a job that i love, a boss that appreciates me, coworkers that make the day a joy, projects that intrigue and challenge me, and clients that...well, let's just say "keep things interesting".... many moms are not so fortunate when faced with the dreadful moment of returning to the work place. with all that great stuff, though, my only question is "why can't peyton come with me?!" she'd be great! i'd put her to work--answering phones, some light filing... maybe making a schedule or a budget for me when i'm in a bind. i think people would appreciate her presence in my meetings. i mean, the coo-ing and the "talking" is getting SO CUTE. i could watch her grow up and teach her plenty of things. she could nap under my desk. heck, i do--why should i not share the space?! i could make sure she goes outside a few times a day, let her scoot around the halls of the office... but mostly, i'd be able to be her main influence, and she'd have no doubt who her mommy is.

because that's what scares me most. what if little P forgets me? if i leave when she wakes up, and get home when she goes to sleep, all i become is the occasional nighttime feeder, and that awful lady that's always changing her clothes when she's half asleep in the morning or mostly asleep at night. everyday for the past 11 weeks i've gotten to stare into this little girls eyes whenever i want and whisper to her how much mommy loves her, and how great mommy thinks she is. and she stares back with a look that says, "yay!" and a little cracked smile. gosh, i love her.

but, i have to go back to work. we knew that before we began the journey that resulted in a wonderful little miracle we call peyton. so, i will. however, there are terms:

- nana and i will both be installing webcams so i can talk to my baby from work every now and then.

- nana has promised that she and peyt will visit me at work for lunch occasionally.

- i am reserving the right to wake my sleeping child at the most unfair times so i can remind her who loves her

- peyton and josh are my first priority, no matter what, so work just better darn fit into that.

- i'm will not work on the weekends. sorry, clients--weekends are for my family.

- i WILL be taking vacations this year. YAY!

- i am reserving the right to add to my terms list whenever i please.

okay, i'm off to publish these so someone else besides me believes they are valid...

i'll be blogging more about the "great going-back-to-work dilemma". more to follow at 11.

I Can't Wait To Get Off Work...

Each day this week, this song has helped get me through the day. It's such a nice feeling to come home to the one I love more than anything.

tuesday afternoon chit chat

a: i think i'm gonna bring my computer home tonight and do some work. do you have homework to work on?

j: i do. i have some work i can do too :)

a: well, between workout, dinner, dry cleaning, walks with june, and grocery shopping, i'm kind of changing my mind.

j: i thought you might.

a: what?! how did you know?

j: i knew you'd start to think about all that we need to do tonight and give up on the work part. ;) i know you.

a: aaaarrrrrrrgggg. you stink. but i love you. lots.

j: you have to. i have the paper that says so.

a: i know. damn paperwork.

j: i know.

it's thursday...

i know i should be working, but i've got june on my mind, instead!

i'm mostly thinking about how badly she needs a bath...

to do -- ta da!

the recent warm weather and late sunsets have really proven themselves to act as a magnet to our little family of 3, when 7pm rolls around. sunset walks are coming back into the picture, and oh how i love them!

aside from allowing june to alleviate some pent up energy, our little evening walks have become yet another great enviroment for solid conversation. last night's conversation somehow shifted to a topic of our daily to do lists, and how we both work so differently.

josh seems to have a "rule of 7". his past research (of course he has researched this...) has shown him that people should focus their efforts on completing seven realistic tasks in one day. if more are completed, great, if not, no worries, you hit your lucky #7. at work, he has a "master to-do list" with mini lists of 7 that help him prioritize his daily activities.

i, on the other hand, have ONE list. this list has it all... until it's full, that is. at that point, i start another list, transferring unfinished items to the new list, adding to it, and abandoning the old list. i revisit my list at least 15 times in a day, and if things become higher priority, they get an extra touch of color as a reminder.

as we discussed the different ways we manage ourselves and our to-do's on a daily basis, we were reminded that, although we work really well together, we work very differently than one another. josh feels overwhelmed when faced with a long to do list, i feel comfortable that i've captured everything i need to get done on a peice of paper! if i gave my list to josh, he'd probably be so confused. if he gave his list to me, i'd feel like i was missing things.

i'm POSITIVE this plays out in our marraige. one fundamental difference we found on day 6 of marraige was this:

josh: "i cannot clean this house until i relax!"
gigi: "i cannot relax until i clean this house!"

i won't go into how many times this has happened in the past year--i'll leave that up to your imagination... the good news, though, is that we both want the same things: a clean house and time to relax. therefore, we find ourselves working toward the same goal in two different ways.

so, as is the case with both the lists and the cleaning/relaxing styles, we continue to find ourselves wanting the same things, getting the same things done, but always bringing another approach to the table. and i LOVE it! it keeps things interesting and challenging, makes for some great debating, and keeps us focused on our goals. not to mention, in the end, we've both gotten what we wanted, because we wanted the same things to begin with.

...phew!...

when your mind's made up

tuesday blew like a drunk guy workin' a breathalizer. no, really, all kidding aside, i had the most horrible day i've had in a long time. the worst part was that i had no idea why my day was so difficult. it just was.

first off, i must clarify--nothing is "wrong", things aren't "bad", and my life isn't "rough". i simply woke up, showered, and began to get ready. i got in a small fight with my closet and the few exciting peices it offers, but that's not new. all of the sudden, i felt odd... different... uncomfortable... i felt like my little world was slowly turning upside down, and i was entirely not surprised when it didn't re-adjust itself until later that evening. i instantly had a disappointing perspective on everything--i didn't like what i saw in the mirror, i didn't enjoy running through my day's to-do list in my head, and i could barely appreciate the few morning exchanges my husband and i shared before work. i just wasn't having it.

i made my way into the office and felt on the verge of tears all day. every little thing i'd normally brush off was given enough credit in my mind to takeover my thoughts. ugh. what an awful feeling. ultimately, i made a decision to bail out of work a couple hours early. i had permission, of course--there was no way i was going to add my bad day by playing an unadvised day of hookie. i drove home, plopped on the couch, and submitted myself to 2 hours of predictable chick-flickness. thankfully, my dose of "confessions of a shopaholic" was just the right medicine. well, actually, i owe getting out of my slump to the desperate prayers and a self-given motivational pep-talk, but you get the jist. the movie helped. i was finally able to detach from whatever had unnerved me and essentially hit the restart button on my day. i jumped on the good-attitude train for the rest of the evening, and have felt fine ever since. :-) high fives to that!

i'm not sharing the details of my crappy day just for the mere purpose of sharing. it was quite the impactful day, seeing as how it's thursday and i'm still thinking about it. there must be a lesson in this somewhere...

since tuesday, i've found myself thinking that i hadn't had a bad day like that for a while, so it was bound to come. everyone deserves to have a bad attitude at their discretion, right??? ehhh, not so much. as i mentioned, nothing is wrong, life is good, and i'm a happy camper. i believe that each and every morning God gives me a little window of time in which i get to make a decision. i don't think the decision is between "having a good day" and "having a bad day" so much as it is between "working to have a good day" and "not working to have a good day". i'm lucky that good days often come my way, but on the occassional day in which i am blatently presented with that choice, i'm going to force myself to take an extra moment, say an extra prayer, and work a little harder to stretch a smile across my face. that morning's decision may be tested throughout the day, and i'll probably find myself working hard to fight off the little grey clouds that so badly want to cling themselves on to my smallest worry, but i must make it a priority to not allow a bad attitude to win me over. it's draining and tiring, and i definitely don't want it happening when i have no stinkin' reason for it.

bad days will come, but their reasons will come with them. and on those days i'll find the loving arms of my friends, my family, and my God to comfort me.

jet-tivities

i like to combine words. josh thinks i'm a dork, but what else is new, really? last week i traveled to saugatuck, michigan. what? where? yeah, that's what i said... saugatuck, michigan borders douglas, michigan. what? where? yeah, that's what i said. i was invited by a haworth furniture dealer (office furniture) to visit haworth's headquarters and manufacturing plant in michigan. it was a last minute trip, but i was stoked to find out the deal came with a private jet for the 14 guests, a trip out on the lake in a yacht, and 2 nights in the locals bed and breakfasts. not to mention, tons of food, wine, and a few really informative sessions about office furniture (which, call me a dork, but i love office furniture) and cool lectures about the leed certification process the new building went through (leed...sustainability, green, etc. i just became a leed accredited professional in the last few months, so this too, was intriguing. josh is an eco-friendly green-buff, so he's always pushing me to learn more about energy conservation, recycling, reusing, and going greeeeen!) saugatuck was so funny. it was basically "balboa island meets cape cod"...plop in the middle of the midwest. the town had a smaller population than ucsb. in any case, the trip was quick, easy, and fun. it was really nice to get back in time to enjoy the weekend and spend time with the j-man though, that's for sure!