the daddy effect

we've been sick in the johnson household since... um... 2012.  yeah.  it's been a rough winter.  last week peyton and i came up with a brand spankin' new cough and cold and i just about flipped over it.  i'm usually the one to suck it up and just keep moving, but this cough of ours came at a time where i was so hopeful to be done with the sickies that instead it just made me angry. 

and i was angry for 3 days.  monday, angry.  tuesday, angry.  wednesday, angry (thankfully only until 5pm when a dear friend of mine lifted my spirits with her sweet smile and encouraging words.  mind you, this friend of mine was in day 6 of now having 3 kids in her family, and i'd gone to her to help encourage and support her, but it's times like those when God does his little flip-flop-thingamajig and you find yourself in an unexpected, yet welcomed, situation ...) 

oh, and not sure if you know this, but nobody likes an angry sicky.  as it turns out, toddlers don't love 'em either.  especially sick toddlers.  so to say that the peanut and i weren't quite jiving is putting it lightly.  for 2.5 days i was mostly convinced she was trying to do anything and everything that would or could possibly make me mad.  and it was working.  peyton: 46, mommy: 0.  no wins--not one.  i was snappy and had THE LOWEST tolerance for messes.  i was tired and didn't want to clean or pick up.  i lacked excitement to play games, pretend things, or watch her not eat the meals she'd asked for a mere 5 minutes before. it was a VERY challenging 3 days, physically and emotionally.  and sleep?  what in the world was that?! 45 minutes here and there between middle of the night cries was not sleep.  she was crying--not me--although i wasn't far from it.  

thankfully, i woke up thursday morning feeling refreshed, energized, and overwhelmed by the feeling of the day's newness.  why that feeling couldn't have shown up tuesday, i'm not quite sure. but i was grateful for it.  peyton and i started jiving a little better, and our good health was slowly creeping back.

friday afternoon came and it was DADDY TIME!!  can i just tell you how excited i was about this!?  i always adore, adore, adore the days and moments josh is around to be and play with peyton and i, but i was especially excited as i was still feeling left over weariness from the long week that had preceeded. so friday, saturday, and sunday, moment after moment, i witnessed a patience and calmness that had been so foriegn to me in the recent days of sickness and short tempers.  with daddy, forts were built, messes were made, cleaning was enjoyable, tickles were constant, everything was a game, laughter was prevalent, and all that emanated from our home was JOY. a joy that i, mommy--the usual mrs. fix-it-all (insert pat on back here), had had such a terribly hard time producing just earlier that same week.  it was DADDY JOY. :)

no, you cannot have my husband.  he's mine.  i picked him out of the crowd years ago and i get to keep him.  peyton can share with me, but THAT'S IT. he's amazing.

monday morning came bright and early at 6:15am, but it came with a new perspective and a recent experience of how to practice real, true patience.  josh had been my just-in-time, life-sized example of patience in parenting and the impact it makes on our entire family.  he is my extreme to my extreme, and he evens me out so well.  so neat how God had crazy Team Johnson planned from the very beginning!

it's "only" wednesday, but our whole week has been different so far, and peyton is my little, sweet pal all over again just the way it should be!  it helps that i can breathe without coughing and that we're all sleeping better at night, but nonetheless, the lesson daddy taught us (okay..."me") this weekend was exactly what we (okay..."I") needed.  and i'm especially thankful that in these special moments my pride doesn't get in the way of learning something new from my OH-SO-VERY-WISE husband.  (alright, babe, this last plug is me looking for points... remember, i like peanut butter squished between my chocolate and any flower that doesn't stink!!! :) weeeeee!!!!)

theWEEKDAY

when sunday night comes around these days, it's as if things don't stop until friday afternoon. josh and i are enjoying this season of our lives with a "new baby", (although it seems as if peyton's been around and part of our lives forever, which we just love!) but it IS different than life pre-baby. as an example, here's a typical...tuesday...

5am - gigi up to pump and get dressed
530am - gigi to the park for an early workout--it's bootcamp this month, brought to me by groupon!
645am - gigi home and in the shower
7am - josh is up and at 'em
715am - peyton's up. time to feed and play!
8am - gigi off to work, josh and p off to nana's
WORK ALL DAY AS IF FAMILY JUST DON'T EXIST :-(
5pm - josh to nana's to pick up the munchkin
530pm - gigi head's home
545pm - finally, family at last :-)
6pm - walk at the park with the munchkin and the bug
630pm - josh and gigi cook and trade off playing 1-on-1 with peyt
7pm - nom nom nom for all of us
715pm - peyt takes a 20 min snoozer while we pick up around the house and do the dishes
745pm - josh and gigi are done with the dishes, so we clean our kid in the sink, next
800pm - trade off playing with p again while we pack lunches and bottles for tomorrow

815pm - josh to the trails for an evening run
830pm - peyt's bedtime...a few books and songs, lots of kisses, and one sleepy baby

845pm - josh home from his run and back in the shower
9pm - oh, hi, husband. hi, wife. couch/snuggle date? sure, why not.
10pm - final pump sesh...for geeg, not josh...of course...
1015pm - gigi spends 10 min. getting frustrated picking clothes
1030pm - roll into bed...exhausted

and again, and again, and again, until saturday. i know this isn't unusual for parents that work full time, and we're totally good to go with all this, but i can't begin to express how much we cherish the few hours we have with peyton...

and those few precious moments spent with P around the house often look something like this...

mommy and peyton after a walk at the park

daddy snuggling with peyt on the couch

i'm going to be a HCTTFOHTBMOLWMNLWPIOWNSMFBGDAOHWH

for two and a half months, i've had the most wonderful pleasure of caring for my baby girl. i've had the opportunity to experience life as a SAHM. for those of you that don't follow mommy blogs and websites, that stands for Stay At Home Mommy. this new language is taking time to learn, but i'll get there, i'm sure.

i go back to work in two weeks. i go from being a SAHM to being a Head-Case Trying To Figure Out How To Balance My Old Life With My New Life While Pretending I'm Okay With Not Seeing My Favorite Baby Girl During All Of Her Waking Hours. or, as a blogger may put it, a HCTTFOHTBMOLWMNLWPIOWNSMFBGDAOHWH.

no, i'm not struggling with this one bit. why do you ask?

i will say, however, i am VERY fortunate to be going back to a job that i love, a boss that appreciates me, coworkers that make the day a joy, projects that intrigue and challenge me, and clients that...well, let's just say "keep things interesting".... many moms are not so fortunate when faced with the dreadful moment of returning to the work place. with all that great stuff, though, my only question is "why can't peyton come with me?!" she'd be great! i'd put her to work--answering phones, some light filing... maybe making a schedule or a budget for me when i'm in a bind. i think people would appreciate her presence in my meetings. i mean, the coo-ing and the "talking" is getting SO CUTE. i could watch her grow up and teach her plenty of things. she could nap under my desk. heck, i do--why should i not share the space?! i could make sure she goes outside a few times a day, let her scoot around the halls of the office... but mostly, i'd be able to be her main influence, and she'd have no doubt who her mommy is.

because that's what scares me most. what if little P forgets me? if i leave when she wakes up, and get home when she goes to sleep, all i become is the occasional nighttime feeder, and that awful lady that's always changing her clothes when she's half asleep in the morning or mostly asleep at night. everyday for the past 11 weeks i've gotten to stare into this little girls eyes whenever i want and whisper to her how much mommy loves her, and how great mommy thinks she is. and she stares back with a look that says, "yay!" and a little cracked smile. gosh, i love her.

but, i have to go back to work. we knew that before we began the journey that resulted in a wonderful little miracle we call peyton. so, i will. however, there are terms:

- nana and i will both be installing webcams so i can talk to my baby from work every now and then.

- nana has promised that she and peyt will visit me at work for lunch occasionally.

- i am reserving the right to wake my sleeping child at the most unfair times so i can remind her who loves her

- peyton and josh are my first priority, no matter what, so work just better darn fit into that.

- i'm will not work on the weekends. sorry, clients--weekends are for my family.

- i WILL be taking vacations this year. YAY!

- i am reserving the right to add to my terms list whenever i please.

okay, i'm off to publish these so someone else besides me believes they are valid...

i'll be blogging more about the "great going-back-to-work dilemma". more to follow at 11.

my playtime...

have you HEARD the opinions people have about breastfeeding? four words. OH. MY. GOSH. PEOPLE.

since i've become a parent, i've begun to have exposure to the world's thoughts on "everything parenting". a big topic of discussion is breastfeeding. i won't go into the details, you can google it for yourself and get an abundance of differing opinions. me, personally? i thank the Lord every day that i'm physically able to breastfeed my daughter. it's not easy, and it's not for everyone, but peyton seems to like it, i love the benefits of it, and daddy loves the money it saves us!! so for now, baby gets teet :-)

now for the contraversial part. yes, i nurse in public places. i try to consider others--for example, i do my best to not nurse over someone's dinner at a restaurant (although, family has had the unfortunate chance to experience this), or hold off a while if there is a more well-suited place to do it, like a "family's room" or "mother's room", but i'm not afraid. it's not because i can't pump. it's not because i don't have bottles of milk at home.

it's because when i'm done, i can turn my hooter-hider around and play superhero for a few minutes while someone else burps my child.

on parenting

last week, on one of our morning walks, i made the decision to go ahead and push it a little harder, as my 6-week-post-partum date was approaching. (for those of you unfamiliar with what that date signifies--it's the goal date for which "all normal activities may resume". that's right--ALL NORMAL ACTIVITIES! get your mind out of the gutter--i'm just excited to work out again!!) therefore, that morning walk eventually turned into a morning jog. yay!!

it was quite the sight, really. peyton was in the jogger, june was on her "short leash" (yes, kind of like the short bus, but without all the window licking), and i was "jogging" as if i'd never run a step in my life. we started with a super slow pace, because i didn't want to overdo anything, ya know, in case i accidentally broke a sweat or something strange like that... and within a tenth of a mile june shot me a look that seemed to say, 'i thought we were done with this nonsense of running at an uncomfortably slow pace when you got yourself knocked up, mom!' i tried to ignore it and keep going, but another tenth of a mile later she flat out STOPS. she does this lately, thinking she's the one who decides where and when our walks are over, and i like to think i can pep talk her out of it. but this time, i couldn't. nothing i said got her to move.

"june, you LOVE being outside. what's going on?"

"june, don't'ya wanna get rid of all this pent up energy you have?"

"june, see this tummy? mommy NEEDS to run. seriously."

"june, there's a bunny farm at the end of the trail."

nothing was working. so, i did what any good dog owner would do. i thought real hard, identified her biggest insecurity, and capitalized on it. she hates to be left alone, so i dropped the leash and ran away from her, leaving her and her attitude behind.

she followed me.

i won! but the bigger victory was that i picked up yet another valuable lesson in parenting. because dog ownership is how i acquire all my parenting skills.